The Struggle Of A Parent - Why Did You Give Birth?

The eternal internal fight, which many parents go through as they give birth and nurture their children, could easily be understood when we realise that to give birth, or the desire to give birth in a woman or that of fatherhood in a man, is nothing to do with the idea of one’s offspring to carry the surname, culture and identity in the future. That ends up happening yes, but that is not the reason when a strong urge comes about to create life.

When there is this raw urge to have offspring, which isn't driven by society or family, it has to do with one’s desire to realise their own self by observing the life which they have or will bring on earth. That is simply the act of creation itself and being in awe of it. The only way we can understand ourselves and our beings is not by what we achieve and what we want, but by observing life and all its movement and expressions.

The true desire to reproduce isn’t a desire of the mind, but the desire of the conscious being.

However, when a child is born and the day it’s given a name, identity, culture and family, somehow it becomes the ownership of the conditioned fabric of society. In Eastern philosophy, it is explained as karma getting hit instantly. The whole of the background, nationality, family structure… some of it in genetics in the body, and a lot of it in memory, of all what they are about to experience and be told. Somehow a mother’s true love is shadowed by what she expects of her child. Somehow a father’s true affection is clouded by the fear of the future. The human mind creates such a web, based on its conditioning, that it forgets why the child was born in the first place. Parents, life and memory then shape the future of the child, unknowingly, by the simple act of upbringing. Can we do something about this? Perhaps yes but it takes a lot of courage.

A child is not anyone’s ownership. It is a responsibility, yes but that comes from love as clearly you will always love something that you have brought to life. But the desire that a child acts and be a certain way, perhaps even for their future and “happiness”, is not the parents’ true desire. It’s conditioned and totally based on the parents' background and the programming of their minds. Every parent wants something different from their children simply because of the way their own minds have been shaped. They aren’t going to achieve it though as that is not how life and its myriad events work, hence making many parents disappointed in their children. But who suffers? The parents themselves and then of course the children too. It becomes a problem within a family where only love should have prevailed.

We never let original thoughts or ideas arise within our children and we snub anything which is out of the norm (although on the other hand that is exactly what we want. For our child our be totally unique)

So there is a conflict between ownership and shaping the child to become like you or what you know, and letting the child blossom into an expression of life which is so unique that the purpose of why you brought it to this world is realised. The real reason to have children is self-discovery and for the parents to experience an expression of life which was created through them. 

For people this is a step towards understanding and realising the purpose of life, which is to accept the diversity of experiences and all that life will show you, not just what your conditioned mind is expecting as that is a very limited and minuscule part of reality. 

So to all the parents or wanna-be parents, we ask this question. Did (do) you bring the child into this world to see it grow like you and all that you know? Or with your guidance and knowledge, let the child express a unique way of living which you can then observe and realise the meaning of your life: to simply experience the uniqueness of every expression of life. Not just your child but all around you, but especially the one you gave life and love to.